There are no feelings, no emotion, I just feel like a walking corps wishing for death.
I have everything but nothing, because what can you have if you don't accept it, arms holding me through the night but constantly wanting more, constantly thinking what if.
What if there's better, what if I'm not enough; to be everything someone needs, insecurities holding me back, anxiety about nothing and everything.
I'm so afraid, so scared, so angry at everyone but really just myself. Afraid to grow, angry that I'm not growing. Hoping changing how I look will change me or how people perceive me like it should matter.
Angry that people think I'm beautiful and kind, but inside I cannot stop judging, hating because of my own self hate.
What is wrong with me?
Drunk texts constantly asking anyone who will respond "what is wrong with me? Why am I so fucked up?"
Torn between taking my life and wanting to live it to the fullest.
Wanting to have dreams but lacking the self confidence to set any because.. I don't believe I can achive anything or be enough to matter.
Just numb, wanting to cut, drink, to smoke. Anything to feel or maybe just forget myself.
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