Ten Word Story

"This is the kind of tired that sleep can’t fix." 

"You can’t keep kissing strangers and pretending that it’s him."

"I don’t love him but he’s here and you aren’t."

Psh Parents!

I'm here in First period blogging while listening to the teacher repeatedly say the words "testicle, sperm, ovary, balls, sack, and sex" btw this is not a health class! I won't tell you what it is for the sake of the teacher. But hey good background noise for my blogging.

Onward!!

Lady just came in to see if I was at school because my parents called. Not my fault they took my phone and car, I will take advantage of that by avoiding them as much as possible, you have no way of contacting your child now :b #punks 

Spoons In the Freezer

The lost in moment, I feel everything I see everything, every little particle. I keep my eyes closed because it takes me farther into my imagination and I know this only last a few hours tops, but it's a few hours I will always take.

I look at the lights and see "the little swirly things" as we all used to call them in elementary school. I see them as a wall, more like a protective barrier, I feel safe having them between me and reality. Because I know when I wake my mother will see the markings on my skin that wernt there when she went to sleep and look at me with those eyes of disappointment.

I realize I've been clenching my jaw, but I don't want to stop. By this time most of you will know what I am doing or even the slightest of what I'm talking about, I'm glad you've been on my level.

Every time I close my eyes I'm somewhere different. Even for him he goes to his own little scenes of darkness where ever the inside of your mind will take you. He told me it felt like we were in a castle, but I'm not as visual, I see scenery and colors no people just that.

It's seems as if I've forgotten an earring in  the sea of sheets I've left behind.

Today is a new day, or as if we pretend. Today is just yesterday but full of the forward unknown, anything can happen, that is what gives us hope but at the same time is filled with horror of anything is "going" to happen.

It's seems I have put on the wrong shirt by mistake, I don't see how I am only now seeing this. This isn't mine.

 But don't worry my socks are all the same. Lets see how school can take me this morning. 

Spoons in the freezer and quarters on the counter, my mother still hasn't got a clue to what those mean. Even though I'm pretty sure my Step-Father knows quiet well what that means, but chooses to keep my scecret for the fear of worrying my mother, to tell her what I do under the stars of the night and the freedom of not being under her roof.

That look he gives me or somewhat doesn't give me. When I sit up and look at him, he looks away with a straight face and pulls me in closer. Nobody's ever done that to me before, so I can't tell if he feels uncomfortable or if I should. So I just lay on his chest and close my eyes tight. Because for now it's better than here.

They all warned me

My mother warned me about cigarettes that could cause cancer

But she never told me that self-hatred can grow faster than any tumour ever could

My father warned me that I should never stop thinking

But he never told me that overthinking would kill my happiness

My sister warned me about other people who might make hurtful comments about me

But she never told me that instead of hearing someone else’s voice, I’d hear my own

My brother warned me about drugs in baggies sold on the street,

But he never told me about the ones that people put in your glass when you’re not looking

My grandmother warned me about the devil with his tail and red horns

But she never told me about his angelic smile and dark, ocean blue eyes

My grandfather warned me about booze that could kill

But he never told me that if you drink enough alcohol, it tastes like love

My cousin warned me that I should love my virginity to a guy I love

But she never told me he should love me, too

My aunt warned me that if I kept eating that much, I might vomit

But she never told me that even without eating anything, you can hang over the toilet and puke

My baby sitter warned me that a boy could break my heart

But she never told me that if I made him mad, he’d also break my arm and nose

My teacher warned me about dangerous men with knives that could cut my throat

But she never told me that I didn’t need these men to cut my skin

They all warned me that I shouldn’t do dangerous things that could kill me

But I never had the chance to ask them if slitting both of my wrists vertically

And taking thirty-eight aspirins, was one of these dangerous things 

-d.a.n

Don't stay

"A comfort zone is a beautiful place, but nothing ever grows there."

What is the lust in love?

My stubbornness of feelings:

My love of friends and family:

My Lust for Guys:

My love for food:

My love for Music and Artists:

My lust for tattoos<3 :

My love for children and a family:

(Amazing Concert BTW!!!)

The chill of an empty bed

I lay here to the sound of the air conditioner, lost in thought, and only to notice the sound when it stops.

My bed once made, now a mess. I'm cold but too lazy to grab the blanket off the floor, so I just lay here. 

The clock says 3:55 and I know I have to get up and get dressed, I have work at 4:30.

 I'd rather just lay here on my pillow because it still holds the scent of you.

I don't know wether to feel happy that you came, or sad that you left. 

No time to worry I have work soon and my thoughts have the tendency to chain me to the bed. I get dressed staring at the shoe prints you left behind, and glance at the spot where your truck was once sitting not too long ago, as I get in my car.

I love you, and I miss you already.

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day

Awake at 5:40am. No alarm just the fact that I just really had to pee, so technically yes "The Bathroom Alarm."

As I was saying. Up at 5:40am with the "sudden urge" to wake up and walk to the bathroom, tired and too early for lights but my eyes adjust. The first thing I know that needs to be done is my hair, no need to bother that its almost 6am, just as long as I get it done now I don't have to do it later. Simple but cute, done. 

Now this is the hardest part of getting ready in the morning, getting dresses! I know that I always change my mind so close to last second, every time! So I start with bottoms. But I saw a dress and  I just couldn't resist(:

Now makeup, easy enough. Now the rush to eat and get out of the house before my mom reminds me how many minutes left before I have to leave to get to school on time. If Im not ready to leave on time my mom will make my step dad wake up and drive me just to piss me off and ignoring the fact that it will just make me even more late. (Grr).

A-Z Kisses

Forehead kisses: you plant them like seeds, spreading warmth like roots reaching through each little crevice of my body.

Eyelid kisses: you wish me goodnight in the softest way possible. My eyes hold traces of your lips so that when I wake up I’ll have a bit of you with me. I swear there’s nothing more comforting than opening my eyes and seeing your face looking back at me. 

Nose kisses: I could drown in the lingering smell of wind and aftershave on your skin.

Cheek kisses: I thought they were overrated until you came along. I sunk into your chest and drifted off to sea with the gentle rise and fall of your chest. Your lips were so gentle, I thought it was the ocean spray dancing across my face. Laying in your arms was like floating in high tide without worrying about the water burning my lungs. 

Mouth kisses: damn you know how to shut me up. You steal the words right out of my mouth and roll them on your tongue before whispering a response through my lips. I hide your words on the roof of my mouth so I can taste them even when you’re gone. 

Neck kisses: they drive me crazy. Your lips leave a roadmap from the edge of my collarbone all the way back to my mouth. You’ve explored every part of me; I’m not scared that you’ll get lost anymore.

Chest kisses: you feel my heart pulsing under your lips. I wonder if you can taste all the beats it skipped since your mouth started planting flowers between my ribs.

Arm kisses: you bandage my scars with your soft, gentile mouth.

Fingertip kisses: I am an artist and I leave traces of you in every piece I make. I can’t help but try to mix a green in my pallet that matches your eyes. I came close once, but still it wasn’t nearly as beautiful as the real thing.

Tummy kisses: you send love sprouting through the edges of me that I hate most. I swear you have seeds hidden under your tongue, because I keep finding dandelions in all my cracks.

Ankle kisses: I dance to the rhythm of your heartbeat. Our first slow dance you held me so close I felt safe for the first time in years.

Your kisses: draw constellations across my  skin. I don’t have to look at the sky to find hope anymore, I can sip it from the stars you left on my lips.

17 things I learned by the time I was 17

1. People will promise to never leave you. They will. It’s okay to be sad when they do.

2. It is always okay to cry. Always. Find a bathroom, bury your face in your pillow, and let it out. Cry in the shower. Cry in the car. Cry when you need to.

3. Boys will flirt with you for a while and then ignore you. Then, they will flirt with you some more. It will be confusing. You have every right to stop putting up with it.

4. Pay attention to what people say when they’re angry. When you make up and they tell you they didn’t mean any of it, know that they did. Also know that they wish they didn’t. Forgive them.

5. Never pretend to be someone you’re not. If you don’t like tea and classic novels, don’t act like you do to impress people. If you don’t want to wear leather jackets and combat boots, don’t wear them to please someone else.

6. People will be mean to you; they will spread lies, call you names, and talk about you behind your back. Eventually you will realize that it is petty and stupid and not worth your time. You’ll be right. Move on with your life.

7. Your friends will not always be there for you. When you really need to talk, they will sometimes not want to hear it. That’s okay. Take a deep breath and remember all the times you felt the same way. Exhale.

8. You will wait and wait and wait for your first kiss and your first date and your first relationship. The anticipation will kill you. You will keep trying to find the right person in everyone you meet. Relax. There’s no rush. The best things happen unplanned.

9. Enjoy being young. Love that everything is spontaneous. As you get older, things become more and more scheduled out. Embrace the fact that you aren’t there yet.

10. Tell people how you feel. It will be terrifying in some cases and gratifying in others. It will create relationships and ruin them. But speak your mind, even if your voice shakes, because your thoughts may never otherwise be heard.

11. Sleep. If you go to bed late, sleep in. If you’re still tired when you wake up, go back to bed. If you can’t stay awake during the day, take a nap. Sleeping is a foolproof way of getting rid of your problems for a little while. Utilize it.

12. Talk to people. Talk to your sister about the guy she likes. Talk to your mom about her childhood. Talk to your dad about his favorite books. Talk to your grandparents about their families. Talk to your friends, talk to your pets, talk to the cute waitress at the restaurant. Learn things from them. Be inspired.

13. Always bring a sweater. Even if you think it won’t be cold.

14. Try new things. Eat a new food, try a new kind of juice, switch up the way you dress. You never know what you might end up loving. Life can get boring. Mix it up a bit.

15. Take care of yourself. Wash your hair with that good smelling soap you love. Eat fruits and vegetables. Drink lots of water. Go for long walks in pretty parks.

16. School is important. Try your hardest. If you don’t get something, ask for help. Do your homework. Show your teachers that you’re willing to work hard, and when it comes time to apply to colleges, you’ll be glad you did.

17. There will always be someone prettier, smarter, funnier, or more popular than you. The beauty of it is that it isn’t a competition.

Stop being a butt :b

Just because I have a license and a car doesn't mean I can't ride my bike to my friends house or to the pool. Don't tell me rib sticks are so 3 years ago because Im in the mood to ride one right now. if I feel like having a rib stick war with my friends, you'd better believe that we're gonna have one. 

I'm not very original when it comes to drawing, I love coloring books, I love filling in the empty spaces and coloring in the lines. The challenge of either keeping a strict color code or plain out all colorful. Im not ashamed of being a senior in high school who buys spongebob coloring books, hell! I love spongebob! 

Lets talk Legos, doesn't matter if you like them or not. For me if you put a box of Legos in front of me just random pieces, no instructions you bet your ass I'm going to start sticking pieces together. No matter how old, 40 or 15, if you are just sitting somewhere with nothing to do and you see a box of Legos just sitting there, there is no way to stop you. You are bound to start sticking pieces together and creating something awesome. 

Make these your weekly goals,

If you like someone, wait.

Give lots of compliments, even if you’re shy. Everyone else is too.

Change. Get a haircut, try new perfume, get new sheets. Become better than you were before.

Eat healthier. Learn to cook something fancy.

Get up earlier and watch the sun come up.

Wear soft clothes, take a bath, drink something warm.

Meet someone new, even just a friend.

Become closer with your friends and your family. Call your mother. Cry with your best friend. Tell everyone how much you appreciate them.

Keep your room clean. Buy some candles. Let the natural light in.

Make a list of reasons why you’ll be better off without them. Believe they are true, because they are. 

Listen to new music.

Write everything you’re thinking and feeling. Write letters. Write happy letters, sad letters, and angry letters, even if you’re never going to send them.

It’s okay to be sad, but not forever. Sadness is not as beautiful as music makes it seem. Lack of sleep makes your eyes droopy, not deep. Wake up every morning and tell yourself you’re going to have a good day.

Go to the library. Don’t forget to look in the music section.

Remove them from your life. Get rid of the things they gave you if they make you sad. They’re not worth it. You will never be happy if you continue to hold on to the things that make you sad.

Make new memories.

Try to find something to appreciate in everything you do or experience.

Being alone is okay, you don’t have to surround yourself with people.

Become your own best friend. Buy yourself coffee and drink it alone in a cafe. Take your time. 

Learn to love every bit of yourself.

Boy advice from someone who made the same mistakes too often

1. If he doesn’t answer, don’t keep sending texts. If he wanted to talk to you, he would’ve responded.

2. People will make time for you when they care about you. If he says he’s too busy or constantly cancels his plans, he doesn’t care. People fight for you when they care.

3. Don’t let him touch you on the first date. If he tries, he’s not there for the same reasons you are.

4. You can tell a lot about a person by their favorite book.

5. If he can stomach more than ten straight shots without feeling a thing, he drinks too much.

6. Ask the uncomfortable things. When was the last time he was so high he couldn’t speak? What does he regret the most? Does he drink to remember or to forget?

7. Don’t send pictures unless you want to. If he has to talk you into it, don’t do it. If you hesitate, don’t do it. If you do take a picture, don’t include your face. Keep yourself safe.

8. If you can’t laugh when you’re having sex with him, maybe you aren’t sleeping with the right person. Sex isn’t about tricks and tips and routines.

9. If he hurts you, cut him out. He’s gone, he isn’t coming back, and you don’t need to prolong the pain.

10. Don’t be afraid to open up again. I promise not everyone will love you with a knife behind their back.