Spoons In the Freezer

The lost in moment, I feel everything I see everything, every little particle. I keep my eyes closed because it takes me farther into my imagination and I know this only last a few hours tops, but it's a few hours I will always take.

I look at the lights and see "the little swirly things" as we all used to call them in elementary school. I see them as a wall, more like a protective barrier, I feel safe having them between me and reality. Because I know when I wake my mother will see the markings on my skin that wernt there when she went to sleep and look at me with those eyes of disappointment.

I realize I've been clenching my jaw, but I don't want to stop. By this time most of you will know what I am doing or even the slightest of what I'm talking about, I'm glad you've been on my level.

Every time I close my eyes I'm somewhere different. Even for him he goes to his own little scenes of darkness where ever the inside of your mind will take you. He told me it felt like we were in a castle, but I'm not as visual, I see scenery and colors no people just that.

It's seems as if I've forgotten an earring in  the sea of sheets I've left behind.

Today is a new day, or as if we pretend. Today is just yesterday but full of the forward unknown, anything can happen, that is what gives us hope but at the same time is filled with horror of anything is "going" to happen.

It's seems I have put on the wrong shirt by mistake, I don't see how I am only now seeing this. This isn't mine.

 But don't worry my socks are all the same. Lets see how school can take me this morning. 

Spoons in the freezer and quarters on the counter, my mother still hasn't got a clue to what those mean. Even though I'm pretty sure my Step-Father knows quiet well what that means, but chooses to keep my scecret for the fear of worrying my mother, to tell her what I do under the stars of the night and the freedom of not being under her roof.

That look he gives me or somewhat doesn't give me. When I sit up and look at him, he looks away with a straight face and pulls me in closer. Nobody's ever done that to me before, so I can't tell if he feels uncomfortable or if I should. So I just lay on his chest and close my eyes tight. Because for now it's better than here.